To Be Born

On Saturday, April 21, I rode with a group of high school teens to the field outside the Planned Parenthood in Aurora, IL.  The school's bus was filled so I rode a few extra kids in my van.  Riding in my passenger seat was a woman that recently talked at the high school chapel because she lives with the memory of having an abortion as a young woman.

I told her that I've become more sensitive to the language I use when I talk about abortion.  I asked her if it makes her sad when people say abortion is murder, that I try to say ending the life of the unborn or something but not "murder".

She said, "It is murder."

At the center, the high school organizer asked that just 5 of the girls at a time stand across from the center.  This was the second biggest turnout for the monthly trip that we've had.  He advised me and the other adult not to yell anything, but instead to stand behind the girls.  He asked the girls to love the women walking in there, and to say things that they thought would touch their hearts.

The girls in sequence yelled:
(together) "Your baby is going to be beautiful!"
(girl 1) "Your baby could have your eyes . . . "
(girl 2) ". . . your laugh"
(girl 3) " . . . your walk."

They would also yell that there were counselors here from a free crisis pregnancy center a couple blocks away that could help them, and that they were not here to judge them, but to love them and help them.

One of our girls asked the woman with me if there is anything that they could say that might have kept her from going through with the abortion.  They didn't ask her directly.  I coached some of these girls in basketball so they asked her through me.

She told me, and I relayed, "'Your baby is going to be beautiful' is perfectly innocent and would have impacted her when she was walking in for her abortion appointment."

Both she and I remained silent and prayed as we were directed.  I was praying the rosary on my rosary ring.

There was one couple that came out, hand-in-hand, smiling, and walked right in front of us by about 15 yards, continuing onto their car in an adjacent parking lot, where they hugged.  We, neither the girls, the counselors, the other woman or I, nor the Knights of Columbus or even the guy from Operation Rescue yelled or said anything to the couple.  What they decided is their business, after all.

One of the Knights did peak through the trees to see them hugging at their car.  One of the wives of the Knights said, "She didn't do it. She was walking too well to have had an abortion."

One of the lies of those supporting Planned Parenthood and slamming people like Santorum (i.e. Ashley Judd) is that there are angry people outside of the centers.  No one out there was angry, or judging the women walking into the center.

There was one woman who rode by in a car and asked the high school girls if they were from Aurora.  Immediately when one of the girls said no, she yelled, "Then go home!"  I yelled after her, "Thanks for stopping by.  Good-bye."

I told the girls, "You don't have to give an answer to someone when they ride by.  She like some adults think they have the right to yell and tell people your age what to do.  They don't."

The girls and I are resident of this state and this country and are children of God owing him our allegiance, and not obedience to a stranger yelling at them rudely from a slowly moving vehicle.

The reason we are out there is in hope that by seeing these girls, about the same age as the girls going in for the abortion, they will think, and we pray, reconsider.  That is it.  We are trying to prevent the extreme violent act of the killing of the unborn child, even though it is legal, and we don't live in the immediate township of the facility.

It is confusing to some of the girls that the pregnant woman is sometimes accompanied by mother, or father, or both.  It doesn't fit with their understanding of the scriptures they have been taught to memorize from preschool:

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."  Ephesians 6:1

We really are not sitting in judgement of the woman.  We are angry that this is legal.  We are angry that a young woman is often pressured into this, and sees it as the chance for a fresh start, rather than the tragedy, and emotional wound that it will be for her that can only be healed by the Divine Mercy of her Savior.

In the car when I was talking to the other adult woman, I said the reason I don't say "murder" is because I think the emotional pain must be touched off again when the woman sees a baby, or child.  She said it was painful until she was saved and Jesus healed her.

The life of the unborn child, and the pain that the woman (mother), and man (father), and grandparents feel after the abortion is exactly why the high school kids and the adults, the majority of whom are Catholic, go out there to be the visible, physical reminder of the God who saves!

In case you need some encouragement to pray the rosary, fast, and offer sacrifices for the intention of changing the hearts and minds of pregnant women, and the electorate in this country you can watch this.

It is one of those pieces of visual art that is both very sad and hopeful at the same time.  I am still trying to resolve my own crying while watching this.  I'll use the tissues right after I hit the Publish button.

It is under 10,000 views at this point.

***Spoiler Alert***

While I would love if all pregnant women considering Abortion would be touched by the grace to have a dream like this before their appointments that end the life of the unborn baby within them, I would hope that at minimum you and I would do whatever the Holy Spirit prompts us to do from praying the rosary to offering a fast, to actually showing up in person at an Abortion Clinic or a Freedom of Religion event. Oh and voting, yes voting.

If there was confusion in anyone's mind in 2008 that Barak Obama is activist for NARAL and Planned Parenthood that confusion should be gone.  His administration has acted to provide public funding for chemical and surgical abortion and to enlarge the number of facilities providing this to the public.  I do not understand how someone could justify voting for him on moral grounds.  I just don't!

Involuntarily Admitted

Thank you for all your prayers and support.  Some of you reached out beyond your comments on my last post with both prayers and emails.
  
I did find refuge in attending Divine Liturgy on Holy Thursday and following it with adoration, as well as reading from He and I and Searching for and Maintaining Peace.  I did feel the presence of God within me very much especially while reading He and I which was primarily on the flights down and back.  It was impossible for me to read 2 sentences without praying with full confidence of the presence of the Trinity within my soul.  I was so happy to experience this.

It was hard to not be able to "fix" everything in my 2 day whirlwind trip.  It was a tense time there.  I prayed for God's will and guidance, out loud in the car with my sister and brother on the way to my parents' house, for all of us involved, immediately before the intervention occurred.  During it, i did not feel his presence, nor was I, regrettably, praying during it.  

It was quite hard on my Dad.  My Dad was uncontrollably shaking alternating from his hands to his foot during the intervention.  We had two ladies from a mobile mental health intervention team. They were doing the evaluation.  Not sure what exactly convinced them that my Mom's behavior warranted the involuntary admittance but I was relieved when one of them let me know the Crisis Intervention Team from the Sheriff's Office was on its way.

My younger sister has some issues too, she says she is Bipolar and ADD and her doctor has her on meds.  She stayed up all night before the intervention and she would not stop talking even after one of the intervention ladies said the objective had been achieved.  It is gross to talk about some of my Mom's behavior out loud so I really wanted her to shut-up.  I guess I have control issues and in her words, "don't respect her enough."  My Dad said I need to realize she doesn't have a husband or children giving her regular affirmation and affection.
In a way I think it is disrespectful to replay all the, how do you say, "crap", over and over.  I caught a brief scene, I think from Gray's Anatomy, at the Fitness Center the week before I went to Florida. It was a woman telling her brother, the doctor, that she was sorry for the guilt he felt, but essentially she is the one that has had to live the hell of being Bipolar.

I convinced her to get dressed and brush her teeth before going to the hospital.  My Dad told me to go in the room with her in case she tried to crawl out the window.  I don't think she could do that, but it did give me time to tell her to please not lean on her understanding like it says in Proverbs 3:5-6, but consider the nurses and psychiatrist as there by the will of God and to please put some trust in their advice, diagnosis and the medicine they want her to take.
My Mom was taken to the hospital on Friday. Due to HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996) we have no idea if she has received medication or not.  Not a big fan of that Act right now.  Every once in a while I get a nurse that seems to throw caution to the wind and slips me some helpful information.  As I realized during my first baby's labor and delivery, I must remember to Thank God for nurses!  I don't think the act causes as much frustration for non-mental health patients' families.

I don't like to take away my Mom's freedom, nor talk about all the sins, and sheer grossness of her manic behavior.  Inside her is the redeemed daughter of our Heavenly Father that was a very good and loving mother to me and my sisters and brother, and the Christian woman that I knew to notice and help others when I was growing up.
When I was 9 or 10, Mom met a lady named Rose.  I don't know where, but this elderly lady had terrible arthritis and no close family to take her shopping or to the doctor.  I remember many times going with my Mom to take her shopping, or bringing her groceries.  Other times I remember us buying Christmas gifts for a family of 5 kids whose Dad had not worked in a long time and who otherwise would not be getting any toys for Christmas . . . just socks and underwear.  I am pretty sure this is before churches had Adopt a Family programs.

I also remember a Mom that was so proud of me.  I never had a lack of love or support at home, from either parent, despite what my siblings and parents tell me was a persistent illness during our whole lives.

After my Mom left, I went with my Dad to protect the money that he earned, after paying back the 2nd mortgage she took out during her last mania to fund two different investment scams.  That and other activities that I can't stomach to write about here, resulted in their bankruptcy.  My Dad was injured during her last mania and the last few years his money has been especially hard earned, with him taking Aleve to get through work as a carpenter each day.  He only retired in November, 2011, shortly after his 70th birthday.

Part of me is very much worried this is not going to be a cheap hospital stay and even with Medicare and insurance covering something there is going to be a deductible as high as a deductible can get.  My Dad is not good with financial matters, which is why my Mom has handled the bills, and "investments" and caused so much damage in the past.  He seems to not realize how quickly his savings could be gone.  He talks about the inheritance he is going to leave and I really think it will just be the house, unless the hospital bills generate liens on that too.

Unfortunate for my mother is that she is either manic and casing their street for an audience and someone to help, taking any and all curbside junk home for creative reuse ideas, or depressed to the point of not leaving the house but once a week for Mass.  She hasn't been at a level state since before I went away to college some 27 years ago.  Part of the problem is Lithium is probably most effective at "leveling" and she is most intolerant to that.

On Saturday morning I flew home.  When I landed there was a text message from my sister and a voicemail from my Dad saying that Mom was released.  This turned out to be a lie my Mom told one of her friends to tell my Dad.  A nurse at the hospital explained that she would not be released without my father being called by a a case worker.

Saturday and Sunday my Dad and younger sister visited Mom in the hospital's psychiatric ward.  My Dad said she was vicious toward him both days, but especially Sunday.  Monday she called and said she had taken some medicine.  He said she sounded different, like she had been taking medicine.  I don't believe it, but I do hope it is true.  My Dad has history of being manipulated by her so there is no reason to believe this isn't happening again.

My younger sister wants my Dad to pay a lawyer somewhere between $5,000 and 10,000 to get medical guardianship and also make a way around the frustrating HIPAA regulations.  This would give him, they think, the grounds to have medicine administered by injection.  My mom has kept oral medication in her mouth and then spit it out in the past.  Her most recent psychiatrist advised injection as the only way to be assured the medicine was in her system working to bring her out of the mania.

I don't think either of my parents will make it to 2022.  They have lived in the valley of tears.  They live in a gorgeous part of Florida, but the emotional turmoil that they have had would be similar to what many experience in combat.  I think it has been harder on my father, because he has been abused during her mania in so many ways.  After they took her to the hospital, he said inside he felt like he had died.  I hope he was being dramatic, but he is definitely broken inside, and in need of emotional healing.

I was glad to see my kids and celebrate Easter with them.  Not that I recommend finding a reason to be away from your kids, but they really seemed more appreciative and affectionate toward me when I got back.  You would think I had been away much longer than 2 nights.

My father wishes I would have stayed longer, but I have duties here too.  I am relieved to be away . . . . I am still talking to him and my sister 3-4 times a day.  This sickness still has its grip on my parents lives and we are doing our mutual best to deal with it.  Again, thank your for your prayers and concern for me and my family.  God Bless you for caring!

Quotes from Rabbi Jesus

Some meditations are watersheds of clear teaching.  Had one of those yesterday from Luke 6:27-38.  In this passage Jesus tells us:

• Give to everyone who asks you, and do not ask for your property back from the man that robs you. (This one gives me the most trouble . . . I don't like giving without checking the legitimacy of the charity, and that 15% or less is going to "administrative".  The second part seems to indicate that one's house would be repeatedly burglarized.  Although my 10 year old daughter tells me someone was robbed recently and helped the crooks carry out their stuff and even asked them if they wanted their TV.  Either they were living out Jesus teaching very well, or maybe they had excellent insurance and wanted a better TV.  Sorry for the cynicism.)
• Treat others as you would like them to treat you.
• Love your enemies and do good . . . for he, himself, (the Most High) is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked.
• Be compassionate as your Father is compassionate.
• Do not judge, and you will not be judged yourselves . . . . Grant pardon, and you will be pardoned.
• Give and there will be gifts for you.

Meditiation Thoughts, some direct quotes, some paraphrased from Fr. John Bartunek in The Better Part (I am thankful blogs are not MLA):

• The more we know our lavish, generous, Lord, the more we will delight in serving such a Lord.
• The more generous we are to others, the better we learn the art of self-giving, of self-forgetful love, the more intensely we will experience the fulfilled and fulfilling life we long for.  (I have been experiencing this the past couple of years.  Still just over the starting line of a more generous life, but it is definitely more intense and more fulfilling.)
• We are created in God's image, and God is love; his very divine nature is all about self-giving.  The more we develop our capacity for love--authentic, self-forgetful love - the more we mature into what God created us to be.
• As a mature apple tree bears abundant fruit, so a mature, healthy soul overflows with the spiritual fruits of profound joy (yes), peace (sometimes. . . for me this requires more growth in virtue to be lasting), and enthusiasm (yes!).
• The devil wants us to think heaven is boring --but there is just too much overflowing life and love to leave even a tiny nook or cranny of boredom to creep in! (This I think is really believable.  Reminds me of times I have been laughing with my kids--who are very full of life and love, or having great conversations with friends.  There is nothing boring about it.  It is the best!)
• The identifying mark of a Christian is treating others - ALL OTHERS - the way God does, the way God treats us.
• God is kind and merciful "even to the ungrateful and the wicked".  If we are his children, his followers, we will be kind and merciful too.  (This reminds me of when my daughter, then in 3rd grade was practicing to cantor the responsorial psalm at the school Mass.  My son, then in Kindergarten thought she was singing, "The Lord is kinda merciful . . . .The Lord is kinda merciful . . . "  He has a better understanding now that he is in 7th grade.)
• We will be quick to forgive, quick to make excuses for others, quick to avoid judging and condemning them.  We will think well of others, speak well of them, and treat them like the children of God, and thus our brothers and sisters, that they truly are.
• God never holds back his love, and neither should we.
• When we were baptized, he came to dwell within us, so that he could emanate his goodness to the world through us.  Unfortunately, our pettiness, selfishness, and partiality, often obscure his light instead of transmitting it.  Learning to let his love and light shine more and more, in every moment and in every relationship is the only task that really matters -- the only lesson that Christ is hoping we will learn (with plenty of his help) perfectly.
• The desire for happiness is a gift from God, a homing device that impels us towards God, the only source of true and lasting happiness. (Really?  Because I thought our crosses were gifts too?)
• If Christ demands sacrifice and generosity, if his way of life seems hard, if the cross is painful, it's only a temporary pain, like that of someone recovering from reconstructive surgery.  Christ is the doctor of our fallen, selfish souls, and he eagerly looks forward to the day when we will join him in heaven. (oh . . . that explains my question from the preceding point)

Lord, Send your Holy Spirit into my soul, and into the souls of all the members of your Church.  Teach us to live lives of authentic Christian charity.  Come Holy Spirit, enkindle within us the fire of your love . . . the love for Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and the love you will us to show to our brothers and sisters, the other members of your mystical body.

Thank you Jesus for coming to earth to show us the path to true human fulfillment both here on earth and forever in eternity.  I trust you, Lord, teach me to spread your love, and your truth and so to draw others closer to you.  Thank you that you love each of us so much more than we can begin to comprehend.  Thank you that you are patient with us and long-suffering through our ingratitude, inconstancy, and give us grace, mercy and strength to get back up, even after we do things that injure the others you love.  Please forgive us.  Please pour out your grace of conversion and true repentance into our hearts.  

Thank you for the Sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Communion.  Please cleanse our hearts from all desires except the desire to love you better and to follow wherever you lead.  Thank you that you are so eager to come into our lives, that you stand knocking at the doors of our hearts.  Thank you for giving us the words that lead to fullness of human happiness here on earth and forever in heaven.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. (Isaiah 51:10)

26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. (Ezekiel 36:26-27)

Wow -- I LOVE Our Pope!

Posted on Wed, Mar. 28, 2012 From Pope Benedict XVI’s homily in Havana Dear Brothers and Sisters, “Blessed are you, Lord God…, and blessed is your holy and glorious name” (Dan 3:52). This hymn of blessing from the Book of Daniel resounds today in our liturgy, inviting us repeatedly to bless and thank God. We are a part of that great chorus which praises the Lord without ceasing. We join in this concert of thanksgiving, and we offer our joyful and confident voice, which seeks to consolidate the journey of faith in love and truth. “Blessed be God” who gathers us in this historic square so that we may more profoundly enter into his life. I feel great joy in being here with you today to celebrate Holy Mass during this Jubilee Year devoted to Our Lady of Charity of El Cobre. . . . In today’s first reading, the three young men persecuted by the Babylonian king preferred to face death by fire rather than betray their conscience and their faith. They experienced the strength to “give thanks, glorify and praise God” in the conviction that the Lord of the universe and of history would not abandon them to death and annihilation. Truly, God never abandons his children, he never forgets them. He is above us and is able to save us by his power. At the same time, he is near to his people, and through his Son Jesus Christ he has wished to make his dwelling place among us. “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (Jn 8:31).  In this text from today’s Gospel, Jesus reveals himself as the Son of God the Father, the Savior, the one who alone can show us the truth and give genuine freedom. His teaching provokes resistance and disquiet among his hearers, and he accuses them of seeking to kill him, alluding to the supreme sacrifice of the Cross, already imminent. Even so, he exhorts them to believe, to keep his word, so as to know the truth which redeems and dignifies. The truth is a desire of the human person, the search for which always supposes the exercise of authentic freedom. Many, however, prefer shortcuts, trying to avoid this task. Some, like Pontius Pilate, ironically question the possibility of even knowing what truth is (cf. Jn 18:38), proclaiming that man is incapable of knowing it or denying that there exists a truth valid for all. This attitude, as in the case of skepticism and relativism, changes hearts, making them cold, wavering, distant from others and closed. They, like the Roman governor, wash their hands and let the water of history drain away without taking a stand. On the other hand, there are those who wrongly interpret this search for the truth, leading them to irrationality and fanaticism; they close themselves up in “their truth”, and try to impose it on others. These are like the blind scribes who, upon seeing Jesus beaten and bloody, cry out furiously, “Crucify him!” (cf. Jn 19:6). Anyone who acts irrationally cannot become a disciple of Jesus. Faith and reason are necessary and complementary in the pursuit of truth. God created man with an innate vocation to the truth and he gave him reason for this purpose. Certainly, it is not irrationality but rather the yearning for truth which the Christian faith promotes. Each human being has to seek the truth and to choose it when he or she finds it, even at the risk of embracing sacrifices. Furthermore, the truth which stands above humanity is an unavoidable condition for attaining freedom, since in it we discover the foundation of an ethics on which all can converge and which contains clear and precise indications concerning life and death, duties and rights, marriage, family and society, in short, regarding the inviolable dignity of the human person. This ethical patrimony can bring together different cultures, peoples and religions, authorities and citizens, citizens among themselves, and believers in Christ and non-believers. Christianity, in highlighting those values which sustain ethics, does not impose, but rather proposes Christ’s invitation to know the truth which sets us free. The believer is called to offer that truth to his contemporaries, as did the Lord, even before the dark omen of rejection and the Cross. The personal encounter with the one who is Truth in person compels us to share this treasure with others, especially by our witness. Dear friends, do not hesitate to follow Jesus Christ. In him we find the truth about God and about mankind. He helps us to overcome our selfishness, to rise above our ambitions and to conquer all that oppresses us. The one who does evil, who sins, becomes a slave of sin and will never attain freedom (cf. Jn 8:34). Only by renouncing hatred and our hard and blind hearts will we be free and a new life will well up in us. Convinced that it is Christ who is the true measure of man, and knowing that in him we find the strength needed to face every trial, I wish to proclaim openly Jesus Christ as the way, the truth and the life. In him everyone will find complete freedom, the light to understand reality more deeply and to transform it by the renewing power of love. The Church lives to make others sharers in the one thing she possesses, which is none other than Christ, our hope of glory (cf. Col1:27). To carry out this duty, she must count on basic religious freedom, which consists in her being able to proclaim and to celebrate her faith also in public, bringing to others the message of love, reconciliation and peace which Jesus brought to the world. It must be said with joy that in Cuba steps have been taken to enable the Church to carry out her essential mission of expressing her faith openly and publicly. Nonetheless, this must continue forwards, and I wish to encourage the country’s Government authorities to strengthen what has already been achieved and advance along this path of genuine service to the true good of Cuban society as a whole. The right to freedom of religion, both in its private and in its public dimension, manifests the unity of the human person, who is at once a citizen and a believer. It also legitimizes the fact that believers have a contribution to make to the building up of society. Strengthening religious freedom consolidates social bonds, nourishes the hope of a better world, creates favorable conditions for peace and harmonious development, while at the same time establishing solid foundations for securing the rights of future generations. When the Church upholds this human right, she is not claiming any special privileges for herself. She wishes only to be faithful to the command of her divine founder, conscious that, where Christ is present, mankind becomes more human and founds its consistency. . . . Invoking the maternal protection of Mary Most Holy, let us ask that each time we participate in the Eucharist we will also become witnesses to that charity which responds to evil with good (cf. Rom 12:51), offering ourselves as a living sacrifice to the one who lovingly gave himself up for our sake. Let us walk in the light of Christ who alone can destroy the darkness of error. And let us beg him that, with the courage and strength of the saints, we may be able, without fear or rancor but freely, generously and consistently, to respond to God. Amen.

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/03/28/v-print/2718835/full-text-of-pope-benedict-xvis.html#storylink=cpy