How is a Mother-in-Law like the Holy Spirit?

 

Every moment of our lives is permeated with the Presence that loves and bestows.  To live in faith, means to be able to see this loving and constantly bestowing Presence. . . . Every moment of our lives brings us His presence.  Every moment of your life is a moment of meeting with the Presence, that is loving you. . . . . God links grace to each moment, be it an easy or a difficult one. . . . everything that happens in your life, is linked with some kind of grace. . . . It is extremely important for you to believe in this constant Presence which manifests itself in various ways. . . . If you would believe that you are always immersed in the merciful love of God, who never abandons you, then it is certain that you would never fall.Everything that you experience is linked to the love of God who loves you, and to His desire for your good. (See Romans 8:28)  -- Father Tadeusz Dajczer in The Gift of Faith under "To Perceive the Loving Presence" in chapter 1.

Tout est grace.  Translated:  Everything is grace.  -- St. Therese of the Child Jesus.

There is not a moment in which God does not present Himself under the cover of some pain to be endured, of some consolation to be enjoyed, or of some duty to be performed. All that takes place within us, around us, or through us, contains and conceals His divine action. . . . The books the Holy Spirit is writing are living, and every soul a volume in which the divine author makes a true revelation of his word, explaining it to every heart, unfolding it in every moment.― Jean-Pierre de Caussade, The Sacrament of the Present Moment 

Some moments are easier to perceive God's presence, in us and in those we love.  Moments like holding your newborn, or just a newborn, especially a newly baptized newborn.  Moments when we feel our hearts stirring within us (see Luke 24:32) while reading Scripture, or hearing the preaching of someone filled and in prayer and communion with the Holy Spirit.  Moments when we are blessed to experience the holy death of someone passing from this world into eternal life to behold forever the beautiful and glorious presence and to feel the embrace of our awesome and loving God.

Then there are the moments when those in our own homes or in our workplaces or in our churches or our childrens' schools or on the road to those places, do things or say things that evoke frustration, anger, even wrath.  Then do we sense God's presence?  Then do we perceive the loving, dwelling presence of the Holy Spirit within our souls through the grace of the Sacrament of Baptism and confirmed in us by the grace of Confirmation or, in the case of non-Sacrament-receiving believers -- through the repentance and forgiveness of sins received through the "Sinner's Prayer", which may be equivalent to the Baptism of Desire (CCC #1259), or through the Baptism of the Holy Spirit (see Acts 1:5)?

I don't.  I want to.  I am praying I will, but I don't.

This past Saturday night I had a little battle with my younger daughter.  There was a preceding battle, this past Friday morning, the second day of their private Christian school, when she was defiantly wearing something non-compliant with her school's dress code.  Actually both her shirt and her pants were against the rules.  The little battle lasted probably 20 minutes.  I'd tell her to change.  She would not.  I would express that she had to change, had to obey, had to follow the rules, and she would not.  I dressed her.  She got undressed and back into what she had been wearing.  I took away the shirt and hid it, she said she was just going to stay home from school.  Finally she did end up wearing a dress that was officially too short, but I let it go because at least it wasn't skin tight like the "jeggings" she had on.

Now on Saturday evening she was breaking her bedtime rule.  She is supposed to be in bed by 10 p.m.  She was not and because she was also late going to bed the night before and was up early, she was overtired.  She was fighting with her sister and was refusing to sleep either in her bunk bed or in my bed, since she shares the room with her sister.  I would not have it again.  Defiance.  Rebellion.  Disobedience.  Disregard for my parental authority in favor of her autonomy.  I was filled with anger and yes it was in the vicinity of rage.

She claimed her strained arm, injury of 1.5 months ago, was hurting, so I left the room and the confrontation with her to get her an ice pack, wrist brace, and ibuprofen.  My mother-in-law had been sleeping in the upstairs bedroom, but sometime during my elevated vocalization, and my daughter's crying, she woke up.

She came out of her darkened room into the hallway and grabbed my arms lovingly, gently, and said, "Colleen, can I help you?"

I brushed past her, shaking free of her hands, and said, "No.  I have to find her wrist brace.  Her wrist is hurting."

She said, "Fine," and left me alone.

So how is a Mother-in-Law or at least how was my mother-in-law in that moment like the Holy Spirit?

It is obvious to me after my morning meditation, that dovetails so nicely with my second read of the The Gift of Faith and the quote from St. Therese that was in a email from my parish priest this morning, as well as being included in the "To Perceive the Loving Presence" section of the The Gift of Faith.  The Holy Spirit has these little repetitions, and complementary sources of his teaching for me, and for many of us, because it takes this orchestration to make an impact on us.

My meditation today was on John 14:22-31 inclusive of the verses

²³Jesus answered him, ‘Those who love me will keep my word, and my Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. 

25 ‘I have said these things to you while I am still with you. ²⁶But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you of all that I have said to you.²⁷Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid. 

Father Bartunek, in The Better Part provides food for meditation on these verses, of which I bolded the parts that were physically played out by mother-in-law last Saturday night:

The Holy Spirit is like our own personal trainer, but instead of honing our physique, he polishes our love, our holiness, our very hearts.  Unfortunately, we often forget about him.  He is polite, he knows he is only a guest, because even though he created us, he completely respects our freedom.  And so he waits for us to listen to him, to ask him for guidance and strength.  And if we listen, he will teach us, just as Christ taught his disciples during those years when they walked together through the hills of Galilee and Judah.

Then he provides a prayer for us to offer to our indwelling guest, the Holy Spirit of God:

Wherever I go, you are with me.  Whatever I do or say, you are with me.  Whatever I look at or think about, you are there within me.  I believe in you.  Yet I have to ask:  Why am I not more aware of you?  Grant me that grace, Lord --teach me never to walk alone.

I believe in you, Lord, but help me to believe more fully.  Help me to believe so completely that my life and yours become one.  In all my activities, conversations, and relationships, I want to live and communicate the joy and peace that only you can give.

My personal prayer:

Father God, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit --- I trust in you!  I know that you have given me the gift of faith, the gift of loving you, and the holy desire to know, and love you with a purer heart, and to have the grace of unceasing recollection - attention to your indwelling Holy, and Loving presence in my soul.

Thank you, Holy Spirit, for my mother-in-law!  Thank you for teaching me that in that moment she physically showed me, in a way my senses and memory could not dispute, a gentle, loving presence that wanted to help me.  And what did I do?  I pushed past her and refused the help.  I certainly didn't ask her for it.

In my anger, on the brink of rage, I did not in any moment come against the spirit of anger and disobedience that were active in the confrontation between me and my daughter . . . . anger on me, and disobedience on her.  Not to mention the selfishness involved in both of us wanting our way.  I am too immature and too lacking in the virtues of gentleness and self-control to succeed in moments like this, and yet I have the loving, gentle presence of God within me and I don't turn to you for help.  Thank you for the teaching, please help me to do better next time!  Please forgive me, and please do help me!

In Jesus's Most Holy Name, and in your name Yahweh Sabaoth, and in the name of the Holy Spirit, I ask these intentions, Amen.

If you would believe that you are always immersed in the merciful love of God, who never abandons you, then it is certain that you would never fall.  -- Father Tadeusz Dajczer in The Gift of Faith under "To Perceive the Loving Presence" in chapter 1.

If you have repented, and have experienced God's presence, and you are in a "state of grace" then you should be confident that the Holy Spirit is with you, and that you are immersed in the merciful love of God who never abandons you, even when you are sinning, and even when you have sinned.  What is affected if you are not in the state of grace, is your ability to perceive his holy, loving, life-giving, and wise presence.  What should you do if you don't think you are in the state of grace?  The Didache, an early Christian document written about 70 A.D. (70 years after Jesus was born, in the 1st Century) states regarding Holy Communion:

"Whosoever is holy [i.e., in a state of sanctifying grace], let him approach. Whosoever is not, let him repent (Didache 10). . . But first make confession of your faults, so that your sacrifice may be a pure one" (Didache 14). 

The Didache is only 99 cents on Kindle and takes less than an hour to read.  It is quoted in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.  If you are Catholic and you want to grow into a state of unceasing recollection as I do, it helps to frequently receive the Sacrament of Confession.  For any Christian, Catholics and non-Sacramental believers, it helps to have frequent examinations of conscience and acts of repentance, rather than to walk our Christian life recipient of the cheap grace that includes only forgiveness of sins, but not the repentance that St. John the Baptist and Jesus preached.

“Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession.... Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.”― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost Of Discipleship

May we all be brought by the Holy Spirit, and by our docility to his teaching and internal transformation to unceasing attention to the fact that we are, at every moment--the good ones, the tense ones, every moment immersed in the merciful love of God, and sustained by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit!  May this help us grow in the gift of peace that Jesus gave us, that we would trust in him and not let our hearts be troubled. (See and meditate on John 14!)

Deep Trust in the Loving Care of God

"Her deep trust in the loving care of her God gave her the strength to be a valiant woman doing the work of Christ."  from American Catholic on St. Francis Xavier Cabrini.

Two nights ago I used Jennifer Fulwiler’s Saint's Name Generator program to have a saint chosen at random to be my patron for the year.  I was given St. Francis Xavier Cabrini.  I knew she had founded orphanages and hospitals.  Actually she founded 67 such institutions.  The number alone speaks to having the faith to move mountains.

"Deep trust" is what our Lord deserves from us.  When I think about what makes me strong it is my faith based on the teaching of Romans 8:28:

28 We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.

I know this, but there is a chasm between knowing it, believing it, and having "deep trust".

Truly God is ever present . . . Almighty, all-loving, omniscient God, dwelling within my soul, and filling all things.

All of us are being drawn not just to a stronger faith and belief that he is ever present, but also to a more constant awareness that his loving care and the power behind his Providence is also ever present.

Yesterday I was re-reading from the teaching of St. Seraphim of Sarov.  I read:

"How great is God's compassion to our misery, that is to say, our inattention to His care for us, when God says: Behold, I stand at the door and knock (Rev. 3:20), meaning by 'door' the course of our life which has not yet been closed by death! Oh, how I wish, your Godliness, that in this life you may always be in the Spirit of God! 'In whatsoever I find you, in that will I judge you,' says the Lord."

"Woe to us if He finds us overcharged with the cares and sorrows of this life! For who will be able to bear His anger, who will withstand the wrath of His countenance? That is why it has been said: Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation (Mk. 14:38), that is lest you be deprived of the Spirit of God, for watching and prayer bring us His grace."

The highlighted parts speak to the chasm that stands between where I am now, believing yes, but without a deep trust and pervasive awareness of this truth.

How much more sensitive might I become to the presence and guidance of the Holy Spirit, and how much more faithfully would I understand and respond to God's will in my life, cooperating with how he wants to use me, and where he is leading me, if my faith and belief turned into a deep trust?

The following passage will take you about a half hour to 45 minutes to read (more or less), but it is truly rich.  It enriched my understanding and provided great ordering of my priorities here at the beginning of another year.

St. Seraphim of Sarov's Conversation With Nicholas Motovilov

What a day!

Warning - this is a real post--as in my real life, with some grossness included.  If you don't like to hear about children getting sick, you may want to bounce away now.  It is also not a short post.

Some days are more intense than others.  Saturday night my 10 year old, who celebrated her birthday 2 weeks ago, and I left the Pediatric Emergency room at 1:00 a.m.

Saturday began well enough.  I actually cooked a real breakfast--Belgian waffles and bacon, lots of bacon.  My kids like to have "bacon parties".  They are all skinny minnies, despite how much bacon they like to eat, so we let them.

After breakfast we headed to their school, private Christian school that goes preschool through 12th grade, to watch the homecoming football game.  The football team lost badly.  I was watching my children in the park, and also all the other children in the park, including a three year old little girl who has the same last name as my maiden name.

This was a big kid park, but neither her mother or father were watching her.  I was a complete stranger, except you know somewhere back in Ireland our ancestors were related.  I helped her when she said she was scared.  I took her to the bathroom and even had to become rather intimate with her out of necessity, as she wasn't past the wipe your own fanny stage.  It's a Christian school, and I'm rather safe, having had four kids of my own, but still---where was Mom, where was Dad?

There was another girl at the park, older, 6 years old, that came so close to getting a concussion.  She jumped to grab the mini zip-glider and while her hair hit the platform, her skull didn't.  I picked her up, rubbed her arm, and got her to laugh.  Again, no parents around.

While in the playground my younger daughter asked to go on a playdate.  I said OK since the Mom had called me multiple times over the past 2 years to arrange this, and since I didn't know her very well, I had stalled.  My husband and I thought it was a good day to try it, since we could pick her up after a couple of hours.

Meanwhile my older daughter, sophomore in high school, was having a meltdown most of the day.  My husband was holding firm that she couldn't wear the dress she wanted to the homecoming dance because it wasn't modest enough.  She tried every trick in the book.  On top of that she had so little sleep over the course of the week and was really run down.  She ended up crying and reminded me of when she was a toddler, with all the crying going on.

I went to get my 10 year old.  I would have to help my older girl with one of the two dresses she didn't want to wear after I got back.

The family had beautifully remodeled home, that they had worked on themselves.  Mom was also telling me about growing up in Communist Romania.  My daughter and friend figured they had a few more minutes to play, and left the room where we were talking.  As a 1st grader this mom and two boys were asked each Monday morning, by their communist, atheist teacher if they went to church on Sunday.  The children would tell the truth that they had, and then they were hit hard with a ruler 30 times on each hand.  Their hands hurt so much that they could not hold a pencil the rest of the day.  This happened every Monday.

I asked her, "What did your parents say?"
She said, "They told me, 'Jesus suffered much more for us'."

It had become a very poignant and intimate conversation, and I was not thinking about where my own daughter was.

Then my younger daughter came back into the room with her friend, and she was crying.  She said she got hurt on the trampoline.

Me to myself, "What trampoline? !"

I gave her a hug, and didn't see any blood, thought that the hug would do the trick.  The other Mom gave her a bag of ice for the bump.

We left soon after.  Once we got into the car, my poor daughter was crying very hard, and very loud.  She cried that way for the whole15 minute car ride, and continued to cry once we went into the house.  I gave her ibuprofen for the pain and swelling.  She said she banged her knee into her eye.  The eye looked OK on the inside.  It was getting redder on the bones above and below the eye.

It must have been the competing need to help my emotional older daughter with her dress that kept me from taking my younger daughter to the emergency room myself.  My husband fixed my mental lapse and said if she is crying that hard (she has actually the highest pain tolerance of our 4 kids) then I need to take her to a doctor.

We got back into the car.  She hadn't stopped crying.  She cried in the waiting room at the treatment center where we waited for over an hour.  She fell asleep at one point, exhausted from the pain.  I woke her up when they were ready to see her.  As soon as we got to the examining area, she vomited . . . a lot.  A nurse, and then a physician's aid pressed on her injured eye, and then sent us to the emergency room where they had a CAT Scan.  She vomited again in the parking lot.

I got her to the next hospital 20 minutes away.  She vomited again in the lobby of the pediatric emergency room.  It helped us get seen sooner.  At this place her injured eye was poked by a nurse, a nurse practitioner, and a pediatrician, making the total number of, "does it hurt here's" equal to 5 people.  The nurse practitioner was the most pokey, and she was rewarded with another round of vomiting.  They gave her some stop vomitting medicine, and then she vomitted again.  Which was ironic, but not ironically funny.

We had a male nurse, with a family, he made a point of telling me that.  Probably because some of the doctor tv shows like to have male nurse characters that are gay.  Anyway, he told me it is wonderful that we are made with those two bones protruding further out from the eyeball, as those take the brunt of most injuries and do great job protecting the delicate eye organ.  I liked the "made" comment.  I liked that he said it right out.  He might have caught my cross, or the rosary ring in my hand, but still I liked him saying that.

Finally she got the CAT Scan.  Then we had to wait for the findings.  It was NEGATIVE and NORMAL.  She didn't have any fracture, and she didn't have any bleeding in the brain, although I wasn't told that last key bit of information until the pediatrician re-visited us about 12:50 a.m.

My sweetie continued sleeping while I was watching AMC movies.  She got sick one more time when they gave her tylenol as the eye was starting to hurt again.  They said it was ocular gastro reflux, but I could not find that on a google search.  This meant she might not be vomiting from a concussion, but because the ocular injury causes gastro . . . reflux . . . into green hospital barf bags.  This is when they gave her an IV.  They said if she got sick even one more time we would be in there for the night.

She didn't, but man--6:30 p.m. to 1:00 a.m in the hospital.

Older daughter didn't go to the dance.  She was worried about her sister, but today, she is pretty bummed as her Facebook was filled with pictures and "best dance ever" comments that made it especially regretful that she didn't get to go.  She had also helped decorate the gym for 7 hours Friday night, even though she had only had 5-6 hours sleep a night last week, between playing sports and having tests in every subject.  There is also all the makeup time, and hair, and vanity gone haywire.  Vanity really burns up sleeptime when you are 15.

Today the hurt daughter is very sensitive to light, continued to sleep a lot, and her eye hurts when she looks to the right or left.  I am going to take her to a pediatric Opthamologist in the morning to see if there is any damage to her ocular nerve.  I am hoping it is just some pressure built up from the swelling.

At Mass today, went to Mass instead of the Divine Liturgy because it is much shorter-- 45 minutes versus 1.5 hours, and hurt daughter wanted to come with me.  I felt myself ready to cry, and tearing up several times.  There were a few parents with children in wheelchairs and walkers at this Mass.  I don't know that I noticed them at other Masses, like I noticed them today.  I am crying now thinking about it.  None of them were crying, it just makes me sad.

I know there is meaning in suffering, and I even told my little girl yesterday, "Offer your pain and your fears for the intentions of the Immaculate Heart of Mary."

Still, I prayed for miracles for these crippled children and their parents.  I know our God is a loving God, and even when our children don't have their parents watching them and preventing them from being injured, he is watching.  Sometimes he has someone there, quite behind the parents back, watching and caring for the children even when the parents are oblivious.  Sometimes this is a real angel, sometimes it is a human.  Most always this care is taken for granted by the parents who also love the children very much, but are not capable or willing to watch the child every minute of every day.

Sometimes his design of eye bones protecting the eye is taken for granted.  Other times it is marveled at, and a mom's heart is full of thanks for God creating and making her daughter this way.

I do believe God in his omniscience, and omnipotence, and infinite mercy and loving-kindness is able to orchestrate and bring all things to good for those that love him, including my daughter's homecoming dance trial that I pray he will pull wisdom from and teach her vanity is a sin, modesty is a virtue, etc.

What is he teaching me?  I was a little judgmental of the parents leaving their kids unattended, and then look what happened to my own, while I was unattending her?  The day also made my "sanity schedule", my recently developed hour by hour, 7 day schedule a shambles, as it didn't include spending 7 hours in hospitals.

He did give me peace in the middle of it though.  Even as I was watching her sleep I was praying intermittently the rosary, and then the Jesus Prayer.  I was actually calm there for her, and able to comfort her and occasionally get her to laugh.

I am a little emotionally worn to be profound, so I offer you, again, Peter Kreeft, please read his #3 in his article, "The Three Most Profound Ideas I Ever Had" for meditation on the following verse.

Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.