Prayer for Mothers

The Holy Spirit is a wonderful Counselor!

O Heavenly King
O Heavenly King, Comforter, Spirit of Truth, Who are everywhere present and filling all things, Treasury of all blessings and Giver of life:  come dwell within us and cleanse us of every stain and save our souls, O Gracious Lord!

This is traditional prayer of the eastern Church.  There are some other really beautiful prayers that invoke the Holy Spirit and his storehouse of blessings for us.  A couple of those are found in the back of the Compendium (Shortened) Catechism of the Catholic Church, that our beloved Benedict XVI, Pope Emeritus, had a hand in publishing. 

Come, Creator Spirit
Come, Holy Spirit, Creator come,
From your bright heavenly throne!
Come, take possession of our souls,
And make them all your own.
You who are called the Paraclete,
Best gift of God above,
The living spring, the living fire,
Sweet unction, and true love!
You who are sevenfold in your grace,
Finger of God's right hand,
His promise, teaching little ones
To speak and understand!
O guide our minds with your
blessed light,
With love our hearts inflame,
And with your strength which
never decays
Confirm our mortal frame.
Far from us drive our hellish foe
True peace unto us bring,
And through all perils guide us safe
Beneath your sacred wing.
Through you may we the
Father know,
Through you the eternal Son
And you the Spirit of them both
Thrice-blessed three in one.
All glory to the Father be,
And to the risen Son;
The same to you, O Paraclete,
While endless ages run. Amen.

Why all these prayers and praises to the Holy Spirit?  Because I am very grateful to Him today.  His teaching and grabbing me by the hand and putting me back into the confessional were unmistakable.

I prepare for teaching my first and second graders each week by reading the Sunday readings.  Today's Gospel, in the Byzantine Church, was Mark 9:17-31.

¹⁷Someone from the crowd answered him, ‘Teacher, I brought you my son; he has a spirit that makes him unable to speak;¹⁸and whenever it seizes him, it dashes him down; and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid; and I asked your disciples to cast it out, but they could not do so.’¹⁹He answered them, ‘You faithless generation, how much longer must I be among you? How much longer must I put up with you? Bring him to me.’²⁰And they brought the boy^* to him. When the spirit saw him, immediately it threw the boy^* into convulsions, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth.²¹Jesus^* asked the father, ‘How long has this been happening to him?’ And he said, ‘From childhood.²²It has often cast him into the fire and into the water, to destroy him; but if you are able to do anything, have pity on us and help us.’²³Jesus said to him, ‘If you are able!—All things can be done for the one who believes.’²⁴Immediately the father of the child cried out,^* ‘I believe; help my unbelief!’²⁵When Jesus saw that a crowd came running together, he rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, ‘You spirit that keep this boy from speaking and hearing, I command you, come out of him, and never enter him again!’²⁶After crying out and convulsing him terribly, it came out, and the boy was like a corpse, so that most of them said, ‘He is dead.’²⁷But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he was able to stand.

When I first read through verses 27, relaxed and enjoying a morning cup of coffee, I was not particularly moved or touched by anything.  Actually I was judging of the father who knew enough to bring his son to Jesus, but insulted Jesus with his pathetic request for him to do something "if he is able". 

I thought to myself, what a lack of faith.  How typical of people who have enough belief or hope to come to Jesus in prayer, wanting help, but completely lacking in the trust that he deserves. 

Matthew 13:58 - ".  . . and he (Jesus) did not work many miracles there because of their lack of faith."

Mark 6:5-6 - ". . . and he (Jesus) could work no miracle there, except that he cured a few sick people by laying his hands on them.  He was amazed at their lack of faith.

Mark 6:5 says he could not work more miracles because of the lack of faith.
 
But then when I read along with the priest, as he sang the Gospel (another distinctive thing about the Ukrainian Byzantine Catholic rite is the Sunday and Feast Day scripture readings are sung), there was a new teaching and a conviction of sin.

In John 16:8, Jesus told us this is what happens, he said, "And when he (the Holy Spirit) comes, he will convict the world, and show how wrong it was, about sin, and about who was in the right"

I realized that during the past week when I was repeatedly, multiple times per day, losing it at one of my older children, I was truly sinning and showing a lack of trust and faith, as well as being a living example of what is a famous definition of insanity. 

"The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results."

Yelling, threatening, punishing, criticizing, insulting were not changing their attitude or behaviors, and were in fact sinful as both sin of commission against charity, and sin of ommission as in not trusting and praying and fasting for the Holy Spirit to cleanse them of all stain.  No they were not falling to the floor, convulsing and foaming at the mouth.  Still, as a believing Mom, who does not want to be insane, but rather trusting in the Holy Spirit "to guide their minds with his blessed light."

If I believe the words of my Savior, and I do, then I would believe and trust that all things can be done for those who believe and trust.

Then our Pastor proceeded to give a homily that mentioned the Sacrament of Confession repeatedly and he said, "If you are not going, then go monthly to Confession (this is Mary's teaching at Medjugorie), if you are going monthly then go weekly."  When he finished his homily the priest went back into the confessional (frequently the homilist is the one that is hearing confessions and our other priest is the celebrant), and I decided to act on his advice!

I want to encourage other mothers who are in the trial of dealing with their teenagers or young 20 year olds departing in some ways from the teachings of the church, from their earlier faith commitments, and respect for their parents that I will be praying for you, and praying for our children that the Holy Spirit would guide their minds with his blessed light.

My priest advised that I entrust my children, each morning, to the Blessed Mother and her powerful protection and intercession.  I encourage you to do the same.

May Our Precious Lord help me and all other mothers - and fathers, and grandmothers, and grandfathers to get to our knees and pray for these children that our Lord will protect them from the evil influences and take them by the hand and help them to stand.  And please Mother, intercede for all of us, we entrust ourselves, each other, and our chldren to your motherly care and love.

When Work Takes Over Your Existence

Haven't worked this many hours since, hmm, it has been about 5 years I think.  78.5 hours last week.  Several nights I didn't get home from work until after 4 a.m.  This week is better.  Got home tonight around 11:30 p.m.

We are doing a proof of technology project and we are in the final week of testing.  That means probably very little to anyone outside of the IT industry, so better get this back to what the Holy Spirit has been teaching me.

Crazy thing is I am enjoying the work except for the politics.  One part of the client company wants the technology to fail, and the other part wants it to succeed so the results of our labors are challenged not unlike what you see on the news shows regarding the Presidential race.  Today I was happy I made it past 2 p.m. without taking a couple laps around the pond to get out the stress from having to talk tactfully when I want, you know, to verbally crush someone.

When I am going around the pond, which is becoming a joke where I work, I am saying the Jesus Prayer.    I do almost a half lap with "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner."  But then I switch it up a bit.  I replace 'me' with my family members', friends, and co-workers' names.  While mentioning one person's name I noticed that I had a great desire for the person to be converted.  I seemed to feel the love Jesus has for this person and how much he longs for him to respond to his mercy.  We'll see, and I'll continue to pray.  There is really no reason to work this hard unless there is something great that comes out of it for the Lord's glory!  The guy is a Hindu father of 2, so I will be very much glorifying God if this happens.

The reason it is a joke at work is i can't make it past 2 p.m. without needing to go for a couple laps.  I get so angry suppressing my frustration, fielding the obstructionists' many questions, as we review the fourth revision to the 32 page deliverable, that I have to go for a walk so I can think straight for the remainder of the 12+ hour day.  One of my co-workers said she saw me out the window when she was in another meeting and she just started laughing, knowing I must have gotten ticked-off again.  We've also been joking that we need to factor in the therapist fees and anger management course costs into the amendment to the statement of work.

What the Lord taught me today was the helpful intersection between Buddhist philosophy and the teachings of Christ.  Sometimes I joke that I would make a terrible Buddhist as they teach "mindfulness" where you notice everything but do not make a judgement as to whether it is good or bad.  I have analytic bent so I make continuous assessments of the good or bad of just about everything.

Here are the helpful intersections:

• Buddhists teach origin of suffering is attachment.  The reason for suffering is desire, passion, striving for fame and popularity.  In short:  CLINGING AND CRAVING.  We Christians are taught similarly that we are to have singleness of heart, to seek first the Kingdom; that our God is a jealous God and we are not to have anything in our hearts that has a higher place than him, and we are to surrender all attachments, laying them at his feet.
• Buddhist teach the idea of self is a delusion, because there is no abiding self.  It goes a bit off the tracks when they talk about "becoming part of the universe", reincarnation, etc.;  We Christians are taught:
  
  "My old self has been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." (St. Paul, Galatians 2:20)
  
  "Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left . . . . " (Lorica of St. Patrick)
  
  "The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." (Jesus in John 12:25)
  
  "If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned." (Jesus in John 15:6)

• Buddhists teach cessation of suffering is attainable by attaining dispassion, and following a middle way between the extremes of excessive self-indulgence and excessive self-mortification.  This reads very similar to many saints who teach that self-mortification leads to controlling the passions and the self-indulgence behind them.
• The last helpful intersection I was able to get to today was the first part of the Buddhist's Noble Eightfold Path, "Right View".  It means in Buddhism to recognize the four noble truths as Right View yields right thoughts and right actions.  This led me to rapid succession of scriptures on what our right view is in Christianity, and in fact what is the absolute truth and right view for everyone as revealed by Jesus Christ the Son of God:
  
  "Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6)
  
  "I am the vine, you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5)
  
  "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last.  Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name." (John 15:16)
  
  "He (the Father) cuts off every branch that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be more fruitful." (John 15:2)
  
  "Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire." (Matthew 7:19)
  
  "If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers, such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned (yes that was the 2nd time for this verse)."  (John 15:6)
  
  "Consider therefore the kindness and sternness of God.  Sternness to those who fell, but kindness to you, provided you continue in his kindness.  Otherwise, you also will be cut off." (Romans 11:22)
  
  "Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance." (Romans 2:4)

The more intense my life is, the more I turn to the Lord and depend on him.  Last Thursday I stopped into church on the way into work, because I think my team and I desperately needed me to go before the Lord and ask for his blessing and favor on our efforts and on us.  

I am not a calm, dispassionate person, so I am driven to take a walk alone with my God, pleading for his mercy, confident that my strength and any semblance of self-control comes from him.  I have had two awesome 12 hour plus saving ideas come from these quick little exercise/prayer breaks that I know I wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

I am also being challenged that in all circumstances, adverse or pleasant, I need to remain in Jesus or I can do nothing.  If I remain in him, I will bear fruit.  If I continue in his kindness I might have the patience to not become a dead branch that is thrown away and withers.  Anyway I believe that is the "Right View".

God has been blessing me like crazy, answering my prayers and the prayers of my friends.  My husband has been wonderful lately.  We have been getting along so much better.  We are laughing more, managing through the summer/fall sport practice schedules, school book orders, and school medical forms along with his physical therapy (from his shoulder injury) and around my crazy work hours the past few weeks . . . .without argument.  God's kindness and grace are apparent.

Hope you are enjoying this last blessed month of summer, my favorite time of year, and that you are being taught much by the Holy Spirit too!

Mary, Masterpiece of the Holy Spirit

Part Three of the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, begins with this title and picture:

El Greco, Saint John Contemplates the Immaculate Conception, Church of Saint Leocadia and Saint Roman; Museum of Santa Cruz, Toledo. 

I found the commentary on this picture illuminating, and hope you do too!

   Mary, the Panhagia (all holy), is the masterpiece of the Holy Spirit (Panhagion).  Her existence, from her immaculate conception to her glorious assumption into heaven, is completely sustained by the love of God. The Spirit of the Love of the Father and the Son makes of Mary a new creature, the new Eve. Her heart and mind are intent upon the adoration of and obedience to the heavenly Father. She is his beloved daughter and she is also dedicated to the acceptance and service of the Son whose mother and disciple she is. Her soul is likewise intent upon her surrender to and cooperation with the Holy Spirit for whom she is a treasured sanctuary.

   In this image Mary is surrounded by angels playing musical instruments and making merry, her head crowned with the divine love of the Holy Spirit, symbolized by the dove. Mary is the mother and protector of the Church (at her feet there is a faint glimpse of a sacred edifice). Through her efficacious, motherly intercession with Jesus, she pours out upon the Church the abundance of heavenly graces (symbolized by the tuft of blooming roses).

   Below at the left, the Apostle John in contemplation of Immaculate Mary represents everyone of the faithful who sees in the Blessed Virgin the perfect model and likewise the teacher and guide for living in the Spirit.

  

   In his book Life in the Spirit and Mary Fr. Christopher O Donnell, O.Carm., writes:

  

   In her relationship to the Spirit, Mary is our model. If Jesus is to be born in us, we too need to be overshadowed by the Holy Spirit. We need to be receptive and open to his action. When we allow him to touch us and make of us a new creation (see 2 Cor. 5:17; Gal. 6:15), we are in the obedient state of Mary, eager to receive. This involves continuous docility to the Spirit. The great work that he does within us is to make us adopted children of the Father, so that we too with Christ can cry "Abba, Father" (Rom. 8:14-15, 23).

  What is important is that our attitude be truly marian, for the Mother of God said a "yes" to a relatively unknown future. Afterward the Spirit guided her. But it is noteworthy that Mary is led to divine truth also by other persons who themselves received revelation. It was to the shepherds, not to Mary, that the angels announced the birth of one who was saviour, Christ the Lord (Luke 2:10, 17). The old man Simeon was inspired by the Spirit and prophesied about the child and about Mary: her Son will be salvation, light, glory, a sign of contradiction, and Mary's own soul will be pierced (see Luke 2:30-35).

. . . (B)e alert to the danger of an illuminism-that is, any tendency to prefer direct revelation to other means at arriving at truth. Mary was once directly enlightened by God, at other times indirectly. So . . . though we know the power of the Spirit to guide us directly, we must also value his guidance through other persons, through the Scriptures, through the teaching of the church. 

Emotive Sunday

No, this isn't a new liturgical feast that you haven't heard of, it is because I twice tonight found myself crying in Church, and was straining to contain my tears.

My normal Sunday routine is to wake up early, not as early as I set my alarm, but as soon after that as my youngest makes his way into my room, I get up because I need to prepare to teach my 1st and 2nd graders Religion School.  I was so happy when I saw the computer clock and realized I had an extra hour due to the clock going back.  Yey!  I ended up preparing enough for 2 classes, but I didn't realize that until I had 5 minutes remaining and still had half of the first lesson and its questions remaining.

My youngest is in my class and he is one of the youngest, if not the youngest in the class since he has a late summer birthday.  He got up several times during the class.  He wanted to be my helper passing out things, because he is the teacher's son.  Only problem is three of the other 5 kids in class wanted to be a helper too.  If I were a real teacher I would have anticipated this on the first day and made a schedule of helpers, but I am not.

We start each class by praying the "O Heavenly King" which is a Catholic Eastern rite/Orthodox prayer invoking the Holy Spirit.

O Heavenly King, Comforter, Spirit of Truth, Who art everywhere present and fillest all things, Treasury of good things, and Giver of life: come and abide in us, and cleanse us from every sin, and save our souls, O Good One!

After this I added, "Holy Spirit, I entrust these children to your teaching.  I pray that you will take the task of teaching and touching each of them today according to your will, that you will lead each of them in knowledge, wisdom, and to holiness."  

I had to stop twice while praying this because my own son was doing sound effects something between a sheep and a train.

I am also rather clueless when I prepare at how the material is going to go over at the 6-9 year old level this class covers.  The 9 year old is brilliant and absolutely loves the Bible, and all things we talk about in class.  The girls seem to like crafts!  I prepared a handout on how to read scripture as the love letter from God that it is to each of us, but didn't realize the vocabulary was at a 10th grade level until a first grader stumbled on 4 words before making it through the first sentence in the second paragraph.  I suspected that the "Prayer Before Reading Scripture" from St. John Chrysostom was a little thick for their young minds, so I put the definitions for sojourner and perceive at the bottom of the page.  We didn't make it to the prayer though, because the first essay took a bit for me to paraphrase into 1st and 2nd grade ease on the fly. I'll save the prayer for next week. I think it is St. John Chrysostom's feast day so it will be perfect!

I did seem to get more of a clue while reading the Gospel passage about the healing of Jairus's daughter and the woman with the hemorrhage.  I explained to them that Jesus wasn't angry with the woman who sneaked up and touched him, with faith knowing that this would heal her, but he wanted her to fess up so that he could speak to her in love, and heal the hurt that was inside of her because of a disease that made her unclean, an outcast, and also unable to visit and pray in the synagogue or temple.  I spoke the words that he said to her to the girls first, telling them to think of Jesus calling them Daughter, and instead of "Your faith has healed you go in peace"; "Daughter, I love you.  Be filled with peace."  Then I looked at the boys, and said the same, but calling them "Sons."  I asked them, doesn't that make it different when instead of picturing Jesus looking on some woman from 2000 years ago with love and touching her soul in a way that no one else could see, that you instead picture him looking at you now as you are reading or hearing this with love, and calling you with a word that already means so much to you, "Daughter", "Son".  There were lots of big eyes, and it looked like some of them were starting to get it.

The homily today was on the same Gospel reading, I used in class.  I find my own kids actually listen to the Gospel later if I cover it during class.  My own sound effect producing child stopped, large eyes and was smiling when he heard the familiar words again this time being sung by our priest.

The priest stressed the importance of love, forgiveness, prayer, reading scripture, and understanding that it isn't what we do that will bring us to holiness, it is what the grace of God does inside of us.  That last part was precisely the message of the 2nd lesson I prepared for this morning, but we didn't have time to cover.  That God could do all things, including making us holy.

Sometimes that seems bigger than healing a hemorrhage or raising a 12 year old from the dead.  How does God bring us to holiness?  I wonder what the maze that he brought me through will look like when I view it after this life is over.  I wonder how many times I cooperated with him, and how many other times, even after an outpouring of his grace, I went back to being cold to the people around me, too preoccupied with my own schedule to be present to the ones I love most in my own family, or too undisciplined to get adequate rest to pray and meditate so I actually grow in knowledge and love of the one who loves me so much, so that I might serve Him better.

My oldest daughter, who is supposed to be my assistant for crafts, but didn't quite make it out the door in time for the latest possible moment that I could leave and be there at the start of class for the little ones.  So she also missed going to church.  Justin Fatica from Hard As Nails MInistry was speaking at a parish in the Archdiocese of Chicago tonight.  I happened to find this out, by chance, this week.  No one else from our parish wanted to go, but since my daughter missed church, and it would only be an extra hour and a half for her to hear the 2nd part of his talk and go to Mass, I thought it would be worth it.

There was a little ruckus as I was going.  This usually signals to me, as it has been a re-occurrence, that the evil one would like me to not go.  Since I recognize it now, I tend to dig in my heels, even if I was only half-way committed to going (I could have taken her to a local parish with a 5:30 Mass), and off we went.

I am not sure yet what she got out of it, but at the close of his talk he had a 13, maybe 14 year old boy whose name started with A, to stand at the front of the church and asked anyone that had ever struggled with the challenge of death to come up and hug him.  About 40 or so different teenage kids from all over that church came up and gave that kid a hug.  I started thinking Justin must know that this kid is sick and might die.  He is letting this kid know he is loved, and also this kid, so filled with hope and love for God is hugging all those coming up to hug him.  He said that too, "A, you have no idea how much you are helping these others.  Thank you."  Then Justin said if there is anyone that is having challenges, and he enumerated some--been hurt, and can't forgive, acting unkindly to someone close to you, etc.  Soon there were another 40 or so that came up to hug him.


I was crying, hard.  I don't know if anyone noticed, but the spigots were open.  I didn't want to dwell on why I was feeling this way, it just was a bit overwhelming.  At the same time I was crying I was thanking the Holy Spirit for giving me a tender heart.  I don't think it is my temperament to be tenderhearted, which is why I so clearly see it as the work of God's grace within me.  

Prior to this final part of his talk, Justin had told the crowd that Mass wasn't boring, if it was boring to us, then we were boring.  He said we needed to 1) Bring our sins to the foot of the cross, 2) Bring our challenges, 3) Bring what we are thankful for, 4) Seek the inspiration and messages we can give to others, 5) Receive the strength of Christ that comes with receiving Him in the Holy Eucharist.  He also stressed need for Confession.  They had that available to them earlier in the day before we arrived.  He also encouraged them to pray the rosary and to make the Consecration to Jesus through Mary as St. Louis de Montefort taught.  He told them to Google that.  


The kids really loved Justin.  It was loud in the Church.  Lots of clapping and then a Mass with lots of Praise, "Lord I Lift Your Name on High" music.  I think it was piano and not guitars, and this would be enough to set the traditionalist in me back, if I weren't more of an eclectic, Roman Catholic practicing Byzantine Catholic lover of Christ than a traditionalist, and seemingly bitter Catholic.  I don't mind praise music, even drums. I do get a little off-put when rain sticks are used.  The only thing that really gets me hot is heresy from the pulpit, when a priest at one of our local parishes tried to sell us some concoction about the feeding of the 5000 really being about people sharing their lunches.  Yes, that did make me bitter.

The celebrant for Mass also did not disappoint me.  His homily was very close to that of my own pastor this morning.  "If you want to grow closer to Christ, you have to spend time talking with him, you have to spend time with him."  Then pointing at the altar he said, "This isn't just a symbol up here either.  Here on this altar (and he said altar not table) the host is going to become the real body and blood of Jesus.  And do you know who said that?"  He paused a moment so folks could think Pope so and so, or Mother Teresa or someone.  Then he says, "Jesus says it.  He said it in the Gospel when he told us to do this in memory of Him."  Perfect.  Good for you Father!

I forgot to mention that during this blessed moment of the homily, my 6 year old was drawing pictures on his mini-legal pad of John the Baptist with his head on a platter.  Multiple pictures of it.  This is because 7 hours earlier at our church he was asking about that icon, stained glass window.  Boys!  They always seem to dwell and draw the more violent images.  My oldest daughter 15 and I just looked at each other shaking our heads.

The priest had also said much about our need to put in the hard work, and I thought that was possibly overlooking the transforming of our souls through the sanctifying grace of the Holy Spirit, but the choir--which was open to whomever in the audience wanted to sing as part of the choir that night--righted the ship on this one fast.  Our closing song was Matt Maher's "Your Grace is Enough"!

My final tears of the night were during the second verse of that song, when a woman about 15 years my senior went to the four teenage boys behind us, and talking over the singing said, "I have never been more proud of you boys than I was tonight."  I don't know who she was, who they were relative to her, what she was proud of, or what, but I just started crying.  They did look like good kids, they were praying, and at least one of the four was singing.  I just know that her going over there to them to tell them she was proud of them made me cry.  I love to sing, but I was too choked up to sing the rest of it.  I was proud to be Catholic and to be there that night.  Here we were all "loving on the Lord and each other" (this is how the Protestants at my kids' school talk), and we were in a Catholic Church completing our worship at Holy Mass.

I brought my little St. John the Baptist cartoon artist to the table where they were selling some of Justin's books and videos.  He picked out a video on the rosary, and a rubber bracelet.  I tried to get my daughter to ask me to buy the book, but it seems I was more impacted by the talk and the Mass than she was.  I bought the book anyway, and I know she'll read it, because if it has a cover and words inside and is near her bed at night, she'll read it.

Guess who wanted to watch the video and prayed all 5 Glorious Mysteries tonight?  My 6 year old.  Oh man I love him for that!  I prayed them with him.  I have four children and I think I've only prayed the full 5 mysteries with one of them before, and he was 12 at the time.  The video only features Justin on one mystery, but it holds his attention because it has a different Catholic "star" praying each of the 20 mysteries. It really holds his attention.  It also has Religious art, and some still sketches that they put motion to that also helped with the attention issue.  He didn't make sheep/train noises once.

The Holy Spirit and 40 Days for Life

Been pro-life for as long as I remember, but never attended a Washington, D.C. or San Francisco march, never prayed in front of an abortion clinic, before today.  I've attended late night adoration and prayer vigils before, I recently did a pro-life post, and I regularly pray on my own for this intention, but today was the first day I actually went to an abortion center and prayed on sidewalk beside the center's parking lot.

The announcement was made at Church the last two weeks, and I was worried we wouldn't have a big contingent, not because the majority of us aren't pro-life.  I wouldn't be surprised if all of us that attend Divine Liturgy there are pro-life, because both our priests are unabashedly pro-life from the pulpit, so if you weren't you probably wouldn't attend there.  We are a very small parish.  We don't have a Respect Life committee (well before today), we have a Respect Life - Guy.  He is probably in his 70s, retired, and he's Irish like I am, but married a Ukrainian, and went with his wife's rite--Ukrainian Byzantine Catholic (full union with Rome, and the Pope is our Pope too!), although he's also a Knight of Columbus.

Several times a year he has a battery operated megaphone going in the basement around elections or when there are pro-abortion bills going through the Illinois state legislature so we can do phone and letter campaigns.

This same gentleman also has the sign-up to ensure we have one parishioner offering a holy hour in church every day of the month in front of the Blessed Sacrament, with the primary intention being an end to abortion, although I tend to add, "through the Triumph of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, and the Sacred Heart of Jesus!"  

The first time I signed up for a Holy Hour I asked if I could offer it in the Catholic parish close to my home, and he said it was much preferred to offer it there in our Church.  He gave me the secret numeric code to the side door (it is secret but also amazingly easy to remember) so I could come in to pray for my holy hour, or any time I need to pray.  I am a bit indebted to him for this, as are my family and friends, whether they know it or not!  They can thank him in heaven!  I love praying alone in an empty church in front of the tabernacle!  I posted about that in Prostrate before God.

I talked with him the past two Sundays about what date might work for the vigil participation.  I even told him Wednesday might work well, because my husband is off on Wednesday. So guess what day he picks, Wednesday, today, 11/2/11.

I've been way, way sleep deprived this week.  I have the usual full-time job, the 4 kids, the homework--quite intense from the private Christian school, and now I have a head coaching job for the JV and Varsity Girls High School basketball teams.  As I mentioned in my post about the Jabez prayer, I saw this as the Lord answering my prayer to expand my territories, and bless me indeed, but it is really stretching me!  I've had insomnia last couple of nights--the kind when you are praying the rosary, the Jesus prayer, and just praying not to see the clock have the 3 in the hour slot the next time you look at it.  

This morning was the day of our Parish's prayer vigil at the clinic.  I thought it would be a several hour appointment.  I was going into work late, and would be leaving work early to lead the basketball practice.  There really wasn't time in the day to shoot off for a few hours in downtown Chicago to pray at a clinic, or was there?

I prayed, "Lord, if you want me to go, please let me know.  You could say it if you want, or have my guardian angel tell me if you like.  I don't know how I can do it.  I don't want to let you down, or the Respect Life guy down either."

When I was in work for about 20 minutes, my husband called.  He wasn't at home like he usually is on Wednesday.  I told him about the vigil in front of the clinic.

His response, "I'm at work today.  I've got to get some stuff done.  This is just another example of us not having enough time to do the things we really should do."

Five minutes later, the head of the Parish Council, another, second Irish man in his 70s, who married a Ukrainian woman and now attends the Ukrainian Byzantine Catholic rite church, calls me.

"Colleen are you going down there with us today?"

He's called me one time before in the almost 5 years I've been going to this parish.

"We are going to leave right before 11, stay for an hour and then come back."

Turns out he had insomnia last night too, so any thought I might have that I don't need extra errands the second day after not sleeping well went away.

There was another married couple there who was going in a separate car.  So it was the two Irish guys in the front and me behind.  Isn't that something three Irish people from Ukrainian Byzantine Catholic Church?

Second amazing thing, I have a bipolar Mom that was abusive toward my Father during her manic periods, and one of the gentlemen has a bipolar wife that is abusive toward him right now, and that is where the insomnia came from.  I suspected this, as in a small parish there aren't really secrets as far as home situations, but I mentioned about my Dad when they pointed out the refuge center for abused women.  I asked, "Where is the center for the abused husbands?"  My Dad would sneak out and sleep in his mini-van behind the local strip mall during some of the bad nights.

We got to the center and parked.  There is a Catholic center across the street from the "Family Planning Associates" center on Elston Avenue in Chicago where abortions are carried out up to "23.5 weeks".

There was a lady there from another Immaculate Conception Parish in Chicago.  She was staying until 2.  We were only staying an hour, until 12:30.

We prayed the Glorious Mysteries of the Rosary, the Chaplet, and then some of the prayers, scripture passages, and Litany of the Sacred Heart in the prayer book they had there in a waterproof bin for our use.  One of the neighbors came out and was praying around the corner from us.  

It was beautiful!  The sun came out shortly after we prayed the 2nd Glorious Mystery, The Ascension, and the temperature was about 65°.

There were a couple of women across the street from us that were singing something in a way that seemed like it was combative, but I don't think they were familiar with how long it takes to pray a rosary, because their singing only lasted for 2 or 3 mysteries.

It was sad to be so close to where so many innocent children are killed.  I have no taste for looking at pictures of aborted babies, with heightened sensitivites to being so close to where some of the abortions occurred today.  When I started this post and looked up the center, I went looking for an ultrasound for a baby at 23.5 weeks.  I found the blog of a Mom who gave birth to a baby at 23.5 weeks with comments from other parents of premies.  I was even less wanting to find some 3D ultrasound showing a baby in utero at that age.

We finished by singing "Immaculate Mary" because I wanted to, despite one of our number saying immediately beforehand, "I'll pray but I WON'T sing!"  Turns out she did sing, but who could not sing that song?  To get her to sing I mentioned since we were from two parishes named in honor of the Immaculate Conception, so we pretty much needed to end by singing that song.

After hugging our new friend, who liked the Respect Life group from our Parish, that we didn't know we had, we made it back to our church parking lot, 2 minutes before my 1 p.m. conference call that I took from our Church's basement (recreation hall).  

The Lord spoke to me, it was audible, through my husband and my friends from Church.  It was actually pretty clear.  As I reflect on the number of things that strike me today, it is clear the Holy Spirit was at work leading me.  My prayer in the car was answered.  I had no time, but the Lord made time for me to do what he wanted me to do, and things went well once I returned to work and also at the basketball practice.

Please keep praying as part of the 40 Days Campaign, which is wrapping up this Sunday, November 6, 2011.

Voice of God

Last night I attended a brief talk at a Holy Spirit conference.  The presence of the Holy Spirit while I was listening was palpable, but at the same time, I was hoping for a longer talk, more insights.

Holy Spirit, Stained Glass Image

The priest mentioned at one point when he and a waitress noticed the Spirit was at work in their meeting that he told her, "I am going to pray to find out.  Come back in 10 minutes?"  Then he described how God told him she and her family had been away from the Catholic Church for 10 years and Jesus wanted them to come back.

God told him.  It only took 10 minutes for him to get the answer.  He had confidence he would have an answer in 10 minutes.

What?

He described God's voice as quiet.

I was leaving with the friend that came with me, and I told her, "I've never heard God speak audibly.  I thought I was hearing Him once, but I am pretty sure it was my imagination now.  I think maybe he might be speaking to me some time, but I play the music so loud all the time when I am alone I can't hear Him.  Have you heard God speak to you?"

After laughing at my little joke, although knowing that I do play the music loudly, she says, emphatically, "Yes.  I wouldn't describe his voice as quiet though.  It is clear, and at a normal volume.  I know it is Him."

What?!

I have always been fine with the palpable presence of the Holy Spirit.  The gift of faith, the experience God gives me of knowing that I am in love with Him.  Seeing a certain passage, like "unless you become like one of these little ones, you cannot enter the Kingdom of God," (Matthew 18:3) and knowing the Holy Spirit is trying to teach me something that I am missing.

But you know, why do they get to hear God, and I don't?

At the same time, I know none of us deserves any of the graces God gives us, and it is for his pleasure alone, and for the spread of His Kingdom that I want to live.  I do trust that he will bless not just those that believe but have not seen, but also those who believe, love, and trust and have not heard.

It was cool though, to have someone speak to me that was able to drum up the answer from God in 10 minutes of prayer, although I have a bit of spiritual envy there, and also it was cool to be driving away from the talk with someone I knew that could tell me what it was like.  I'd only read about it in books by St. Teresa, St. Faustina, but never actually talked with someone that had experienced it.

Here are some other notes from his talk:

• The more we gaze on the Lord radiant in glory, overwhelmed with love for Christ, the stronger our armour for spiritual warfare
• Jesus Prayer - good defense against spiritual attacks
• Scriptural Tracts - good defense against spiritual attacks
• Voice of God = Constant quiet voice urging us to goodness (he attributed to St. Teresa of Avila)
• Christ is in our midst doing his work
• Begins with a love affair and trust of child & holy awe
• A child has joy in the love of the parents

The first point was really a beautiful image and meditation that he walked us through.  That if we could see the demons present in the world, in service of Lucifer, coming after us, our children, and the church we would be terrified.  If we listen, though, and hear the voice, "Daughter (Son), I am here," and then turn to gaze on Jesus Christ, triumphant, risen in glory we will be so overwhelmed with our love for Him that the demons will flee, and as the verse says, "Perfect Love casts out all fear." (1 John 4:18b)

The last note is a spiritual theme for me the past few days.  My meditation today was from the Gospel of Mark when Jesus wants the little children to come to him, and he puts his arms around them, and blesses them (See Mark 10:13-16).  Since this was in his talk, and came up in my meditation, and seems very in line with the latest message from Mary at Medjugorje, I think it is the Holy Spirit telling me something.  I can't hear him with my ears, or with my heart or soul via an inner locution, but I know this orchestration of a spiritual theme is from Him.

Christ and the Children Icon

October 25, 2011

“Dear children! I am looking at you and in your hearts I do not see joy. Today I desire to give you the joy of the Risen One, that He may lead you and embrace you with His love and tenderness. I love you and I am praying for your conversion without ceasing before my Son Jesus. Thank you for having responded to my call."

Thoughts?  Do you hear God audibly at times, or in a clear internal voice?  Or are you like me, sensing the Holy Spirit's presence and work in your heart and mind, but not actually hearing him?

Witness by Word and Example

The last part of the prayer from the previous post had:

Holy Spirit,

send us forth to witness to the

Gospel by word and example.

Most of us have seen the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" where the moral is that one man living justly does not realize how many lives are impacted positively, so much so that they are praying and want to help the one that has touched them.

In Micah 6:8, we read:
"What is good has been explained to you, man; this is what the Lord asks of you:  only this, to act justly, to love tenderly, and to walk humbly with your God."

I chose this topic because I wrote something in a high school graduation card this past weekend that resulted in this note from the mother of the dear girl graduating:

"Your card made her cry.  I do not think she realizes how she impacts people and how the Lord uses her.  I am glad you shared with her.  Thank you and God bless your summer."

Then I wrote back:

"What a great thing for her to learn now, how she impacts others.  A younger friend of mine, 24, sometimes gets down wondering what she is here for.  I told her every day, several times a day is chance to show Christ's love, caring, strength to someone."

This is what the prayer is asking for, that with the Holy Spirit's assistance we can witness to the Gospel.  We can witness each day in unexpected ways to people we know well, and people we don't know well, and to people of all ages.  

We don't know if the person we show Christ to indirectly will connect the dots in the near term or distant future, but we can do whatever good we can for them when we can, under the guidance and trust in the Holy Spirit.

I'm going to try to keep this post short as my very novice blogging skills need to do less endurance testing of you, the dear people who stop in here.



After I published this, I noticed two other posts that went up within the past few hours on the same topic:
Please see:  New evangelization must begin with the heart, Pope teaches and Community , A Common Union.  As Mary says this seems to be a God-incidence.

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I read some great posts today that I really want to share:

First, this one by Karinann confirmed which of the three planned posts I would do first because it dealt with when we ask God into our ordinary life.  There is a mention of St. Ignatius in the post, and it reminded me of the daily examine I learned about in Consoling the Heart of Jesus by Michael Gaitley.  

He taught the B-A-K-E-R method, where the B is for listing out the blessings of God for that day.  Fr. Gaitley also mentioned how St. Ignatius became so in tune with God's goodness and love active in his ordinary life that he would often be moved to tears several times during a given day.

The next two referrals go together:

1. A beautiful prayer for three sisters that left this world from a car accident in post by Abigail.  If you haven't already, please pray for them and their family.
2. Spiritual Legacy by Jean Wise I especially liked because of the reflection by Harriet Beecher Stowe, whose birthday is today:

• Her sixth child, Charley, died of cholera in July 1849  “It was at his dying bed & at his grave,” Stowe writes in an 1853 letter, “that I learnt what a poor slave mother may feel when her child is torn away from her…I have often felt that much that is in this book had its root in the awful scenes and bitter sorrows of that summer.”

That really made me think because it is so sad when parents lose a child.  I reflected only briefly on the impact of Uncle Tom's Cabin, helping to change enough of the country's hearts and minds to bring about an end of slavery in this country.  

Then my next thought was on the monumental impact of the loss of Jesus by Mary and the Father, and the immense gift of salvation and peace that came from that grief.

This last one, many of you have probably already read, since it was a referral from Mary at Beautiful Gate, and that is God Always Saves the Best Wine For Last.  This really has some soul stirring reflection on things we have to look forward to in our spiritual lives.

God Bless You and may he bless us all with his presence, like in this tremendous conversion story by Elizabeth Malou.  (one last, last one :)